ScrappleFace: Satire by Scott Ott
Specter Backs Partial-Burial Abortion for Arafat
(2004-11-07) -- U.S. Senator Arlen Specter, R/D-PA, today said that to resolve the condition of Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat, who is "hovering between life and death," he favors a procedure which critics call "partial-burial abortion."
"Of course, it's Mrs. Arafat's right to choose," said the future chairman of the senate judiciary committee, "But to end her inconvenience, I would recommend what physicians call an INX, which stands for interment and expiration."
If Mrs. Arafat chooses this option, her husband's body will be lowered feet-first into the grave. When only the head remains above ground, a surgeon will use a pair of scissors at the base of his skull to remove his brain.
"The beautiful thing about his procedure," said Mr. Specter, "is that since Chairman Arafat wasn't really alive, it won't make him a Muslim martyr. Plus, it pro-actively fulfills the requirement of Islam for burial within 24 hours of death."
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