Wednesday, January 04, 2006

2006 Predictions

A few predictions for the new year:

  • The Republicans will pick up a few new Congressional seats in 2006.
  • Jay Rockefeller will be indicted for having leaked national security secrets to the press.
  • Tom Delay will be acquitted and will return to his post as House majority leader.
  • "Scooter" Libby will be convicted of perjury.
  • Abu Musab al-Zarqawi will be killed.
  • France will experience a series of summer riots, courtesy of its unassimilated Muslim immigrant population, that will make the Watts riots of the 1960s look tame in comparison.
  • Terrorist attacks in Iraq will drop off to the point where they no longer seriously threaten Iraq's stability. Nevertheless, Iraq's disparate factions begin moving towards the creation of at least two, and possibly three seperate autonomous states.
  • The MsM will continue to subvert the War on Islamist Terror. (obviously)
  • British MP George Galloway will be removed from Parliament after it is proved that he helped himself to Oil for Food cash.
  • Osama bin Laden will continue making low-budget videos from the comfort of his stable.
  • Saddam Hussein will be convicted and executed--Ramsey Clark, weeping, will throw himself on Hussein's grave.
  • The UN will continue doing nothing about anything, especially Iran's lust for nukes.
  • The Left will continue viewing the UN as the world's premiere moral authority. (obviously)
  • The flagging commie-led antiwar movement will continue fading, in spite of the MsM's attempts to keep it alive.
  • "Pinch" Sulzberger, already on shaky ground at the NY Times, will be forced to resign.
  • Iran's government will turn on itself. A bloodbath will ensue.
  • In the face of miserable polling data, Hillary Clinton will abandon her presidential aspirations. However, if a credible right-leaning third-party candidate appears, she will, no doubt, run.

Some not-so-serious predictions I'd like to see come true:

  • Ali G interviews Hillary Clinton on national TV. During the interview, he declares his intention to run for her Senate seat. He runs--and wins.
  • Noam Chomsky has "second thoughts" and begins collaborating with David Horowitz on a new book about the radical Left.
  • Justin Raimondo marries Eric Garris. Together, they begin writing light-hearted Broadway musicals about "Neocons," the Mossad, Israel and evil Jews.
  • Harry Reid gets caught on camera seducing a chicken. He is offered a job with PETA.
  • Kofi Annan resigns as UN chief. John Bolton takes his place.
  • The UN headquarters moves to France. John Kerry is appointed as its Secretary General.
  • Howard Dean informs John Kerry that the 2004 Presidential election is over and that he lost.
  • Cynthia McKinney marries Fidel Castro. She moves to the "Cuban Socialist Paradise," taking Jim McDermott, Jesse Jackson, Medea Benjamin and most of Hollywood with her.
  • Cindy Sheehan is appointed President of Columbia University. Hollywood scrambles to create a "reality series" based on the event.
  • During a speech calling for U.S. surrender in Iraq, Ted Kennedy spontaneously explodes, showering his audience with a mixture of pure-grain alcohol and 300lbs of bullsh*t.
  • The NY Times folds