Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Election Reality Check

Go here (Hat tip PoliPundit) to read a fabulous article that points out the harsh election realities to John Kerry. It really made me laugh! It includes a top ten list that even Letterman would be proud of:

In honor of Kerry's appearance on Late Night with David Letterman, I would like to list the top 10 reasons why the 2004 race for the White House is over.

10) If a simple yes will do but you insist on explaining why no is a viable alternative, the flip-flopping tag will stick

9) When the number of folks participating on conference calls for your rapid-response team exceeds the number of days left in the campaign, the calls are neither rapid nor responsive. They merely provide excuses for Nov. 2.

8) When there are more sightings of your vice presidential running mate on milk cartons than on the campaign trial, you are going to lose. Your VP choice is supposed to help win the election, not reassure the trial bar.

7) When your battleground states become the states that Walter Mondale carried in 1984, you may notice campaign staffers updating their resumes.

6) When your most loyal backer, Don Imus, is trashing you while you're still on the phone and not waiting until after you hang up, the noise you're hearing is the fat lady warming up.

5) When your friends are more effective taking you off message (i.e., the Texas Democrats, Dan Rather and Max Cleland) than your opponent, you can kiss that Nantucket White House goodbye.

4) When the Electoral College scoreboard has tilted toward your opponent after $300 million worth of negative attacks, there's not much hope for the $40 million you have left.

3) When you need to pull out every trick in the book to keep folks off the ballot, like Ralph Nader, it says two things: One, you have no confidence in your own platform and two, you're not very tolerant of others' views. Not appealing traits to swing voters.

2) When the makers of flip-flops are considering a defamation suit for spoiling their good name, it's time to take a position, any position and stick with it.

1) When your Senate Democrat leader, Tom Daschle, is cutting his losses and embracing President Bush, put a fork in your arm, John, you're done.

Now, I don't want any conservatives to quit working out there. We still have to work like we are 5 points behind, but it is nice to enjoy a little humor along the way.